Do you ever find yourself worked up and frustrated, resenting certain people in your life because of how they treat you?
You find yourself holed in a dark pit of self-pity and loathing, changing your number, cutting off people abruptly and moving cities, homes, and states? All this while you are blaming the whole world for the respect they don’t show you?
Has it ever occurred to you that maybe, you fostered the habit?
That maybe you did not set proper boundaries and now you are wrestling with feelings of anger, guilt, and fear and completely losing who you are in the need to appeal to every whim and need of others? You find yourself asking, ‘how about me?’
Well, how about you start giving yourself that TLC first.
It is true.
I love people, believe me I do. I am the sort of person that will take up anyone, the strays, the happy, and the crazy. I will listen to long sob stories of unfortunate existences, I will party with you because I love a good party and if it makes you happy, I will stay up late on the phone to help you sort your issue, I will go the extra mile whichever way I can because I can and because it brings much fulfilment to do for others.
The problem is when it becomes routine and expected of you to always be at the party, always be on the phone till late, always bring the joy to the room, and always lay down my life for others to prosper. I went through the ‘how about me phase.’
Cursed people. Got mad until I started to read about boundaries and why we need it. Ignorance is the most ‘un-blissful’ reality, you short your own potential in life when you don’t know how to live life fully and regaining your self-respect by placing some boundaries is vital!
I found out:
- It’s okay to say no (and not feel guilty about it), if it infringes on my values and peace of mind.
- It’s fine to not pick up the phone at all, even all day if I don’t want to text or talk to anyone, you on the other end will be just fine.
- It is okay to go out and about my business by myself because I need me time and time to reflect on my own life.
- It is okay for people to fall away from my life because in the business of living, not everyone can be on the same path as you or stay on it.
- It’s okay to speak my mind, in love (please, don’t go biting people’s heads off simply because you are sick and tired of their mistreatment of you, realize you allowed it in the first place , but now you are putting a stop to it, you made the step, don’t lash out in anger and resentment, find it in you to calmly let them know your boundaries)
- It’s okay to have values that may not be yours but I will stick by mine whether you like it or not and you shall adjust.
- A job that does not respect me enough will have to go. (FIRE THE JOB!)
- It’s okay to cut people off no matter how long they have been in your life, when you finally start to recover your space and boundaries, they will either adjust or leave and that is alright.
Many times we are afraid that we will lose jobs, friends and people will treat us with disparity if we set boundaries. But in actual sense. you won’t lose anything you want to keep, you set yourself up to attracting the right energy and people in your circles. There is nothing more precious than your esteem, peace of mind and wellbeing and
anything that defies it should not be there in the first place.
So where do you need to enforce some boundaries and put some respeck on it?!